Amour

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Casey and I are coming down to the wire--with 3.5 hours until the Oscars begin, we just finished watching the 9th and final Best Picture nominee. Due to the nature of the film and each of our family experiences, we've decided to write together (appropriately enough) about Amour.

Casey: Amour, for those who haven't seen it, is a film about an elderly French couple, Georges and Anne. Anne suffers from a stroke early in the film, and the rest is about them coping with her impending death.

Brooke: What struck me most was the simplicity of the entire film. No pretense, no push for drama or excitement. It's a simple, down-to-earth look at a couple trying desperately to cope with the difficulties presented them near the end of a long, happy life together.

Zero Dark Thirty: The Morality of Amorality

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

For ZDT I asked Brad Kramer if he wanted to give his thoughts, and we agreed to do a back-and-forth exchange on the movie.

Casey:
So, Zero Dark Thirty. I was very excited for this, being a big fan of director Kathryn Bigelow's last introspective war movie, The Hurt Locker, and having finally seen it I was not disappointed. What most struck me, in the movie's immediate aftermath, was the way it denied the viewer the kind of closure and catharsis you might expect from a movie about the successful killing of America's #1 enemy. It's interesting to contrast ZDT with last year's other CIA thriller, Argo, where I left the theater happy and satisfied, as the movie intended. With ZDT, I felt exactly like Jessica Chastain's Maya looked: Well, we did it...now what? The movie asks viewers to confront the question of what has really changed, and possibly whether the whole endeavor was worth it, which about sums up the current state of whatever the War on Terror is these days.

Not pictured: easy answers

Django Unchained: Unlike Anything

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Django. D-J-A-N-G-O. The "D" is silent. Django Unchained starts off with Django's unchaining and from then on addresses old-school racism, the way slaves were treated, just how much blood can come out of one person, the possible origins of the KKK, and the effects of dynamite on various substances.

A large number of people will never see this movie because of violence, swearing, slavery, and violence. If you are one of these people, just stick around for a minute anyway so I can tell you why the movie is fantastic. In bullet points:

• Christoph Waltz plays a dentist-turned-bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz.
• Schultz buys and subsequently frees Django (Jamie Foxx). He treats him as a friend and equal through thick and thin.
• Slavers and slaves alike are shocked, and some react forcefully to the fact, that Django is free, rides a horse, and is equal with Schultz.
• The dentist teaches Django the art of bounty hunting and the two become partners in crime. Well, not really crime. They're sort of stopping crime, I guess.

Not exactly what I meant.

Lincoln: Or, You'll Probably Like This Movie (Unless You're Me; Then You'll Love It)

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

There comes a time in everyone's life where they need to take an unpopular stand.  A time when they must turn away from friends and loved ones and defend what they believe to be right.  A time when they must counter the scorn hurled by relentless masses, when they must tighten their jaw and stand defiantly alone.  You understand, then, how completely devoid of sarcasm I am when I describe the courage it takes to admit that I liked Lincoln.

I've gotta say--and I understand if you disagree--but I think this Spielberg guy could turn out to be a great director.

Or...you know, maybe it's a film that pretty much everybody likes, and I'm being as controversial as a vanilla milkshake.  Who's to say.

Ladders...Oh, and I'm new here.

First of all, may I say what an honor it is to be writing a blog post for Expert Textperts.  When Allan invited me to contribute, I felt like I had been asked to join an exclusive club.  Though I have never been a blogger myself (Should I say something like that on my first post?  Is that kind of like admitting that you’ve never held a steady job in a job interview? Or admitting on a first date that you’ve never been in a serious relationship?  Should I hide information like that until I’m more confident about my standing?), and though I don’t follow any blog religiously, I have read several posts of Expert Textperts and thoroughly enjoyed them.   For a moment, I speak directly to the contributors of this blog: I do hope that Allan asked your permission before he invited me to post here.  If not, and some of you are dubious, I hope to win you over with my witty and clever discourse…and when that fails, I hope you’ll hide your hesitations so I can safeguard my false sense of security.

And now, on to the main event.

By request, my debut post will be about ladders.  Yep—ladders.  I do, in fact, mean the wooden or metal structures with steps that one can climb up or down. 

Before I go any further, though, I must do a bit of disclaiming.  The idea behind the ladder metaphor I will explain here is not mine.  I have expanded on it, but the original thought is not mine.  I don’t know who the genius behind the idea is.  All I know is that it is the best relationship metaphor I’ve ever heard. 

                                                                  

Beasts of the Southern Wild: Unleashing My Inner Colonialist

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Having watched Beasts of the Southern Wild about a week ago, here's the plot as best I can remember (and trust me, Spoiler Alert is not the kind of warning that applies to a movie like this): There's this adorable little girl named Hushpuppy,who lives behind a New Orleans levee in a poor swamp community. Her father, an emotionally abusive drunk, forces Hushpuppy to live by herself in a shack until, unsupervised, she burns it down in a kitchen fire (although "kitchen" is a generous description). Then there's a storm and the community floods. The small community of destitute alcoholics band together and rebuild until government-types show up and force them to abandon their homes for a refugee shelter in the civilized world. They escape and return home, then Hushpuppy and some other children swim out in the ocean where they are picked up by a hobo on a boat who takes them to a brothel. Hushpuppy meets a hooker/mother figure, then decides to return home to her father who is now dying. He dies, and emotions are had. Also there are giant boars (the titular "Beasts") rampaging through the countryside, which may exist only as metaphors in Hushpuppy's mind. So, if you're the kind of person who likes movies with gripping narratives and engaging characters, you can skip watching it now.

But seriously: D'awwwww

Finding Life in Pi

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

We are pleased to introduce a dear friend and today's guest blogger, Laura.

Laura Joy Carter will be graduating from Brigham Young University - Idaho in the fall of 2014 with a bachelor's degree in English Education and a minor in Spanish Education. She plans on studying further for a master's in literary analysis so that her mind might have a run through the complexities of literature. She was born in Utah, but has already traveled throughout the U.S., Canada, Mexico, and Spain. She has a great desire to travel on to Thailand, Japan, Lithuania, and Greece so that her understanding and compassion of humanity might be broadened.

I was a little reluctant to go see Life of Pi when I first saw its posters. Perhaps this had something to do with the comment I had heard from my professor: “Ugh. It’s receiving good reviews, which makes me think it can’t follow the intent of the book.”

Les Miserables, Mor Funs!

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Les Miserables (or, as those of us who didn't take high school French like to call it, "Lay Miz") is a heartwarming, family-friendly, laugh-a-minute comedy.  If slapstick's not your thing, you may want to avoid this film.  For me, I found it charming, and I admit to smiling whenever the ol' slide whistle was coupled with someone slipping on the festering grime of post-revolutionary France.

Oh, wait, did I say any of those things?  I actually meant none of those things.

(Except the festering grime part, that's pretty accurate.)

The Textpert Archive: Surviving Valentine's

With Valentine's Day coming tomorrow, I thought this might be a nice reminder to everyone trying to figure out how to make it a special day for their significant other. I wrote this last year as a guide for men from women, but the advice applies to everyone. Here's hoping you do something nice for your Valentine this year, and maybe you'll even keep him/her around until next year!

As we come up on the most widely loved/hated holiday in the history of everything, I can’t help but notice that some males (definitely not my husband) (read: my husband) seem to be floundering with what to do for their sweethearts. For many the plan seems to be nothing more than to avoid failure. I have compiled a guide of my own opinions that may or may not reflect the opinions of other females, but just might be helpful for a few of you floundering males out there.

Really? All you have to worry about is which Ninja Turtle will be on your Valentine.

Argo, or the SciFi that Wasn't

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Having already won the Golden Globe for Best Director and Best Drama, it's no surprise that Argo is a pretty good show.

Going into the theater, I knew only three things: I wanted to see it, most of it takes place in Iran, and the people the movie is about did make it out. What I did not expect was: it is fantastic, it kept me on the edge of my seat, and it made me want to hug and/or high-five everyone in the real-life situation as well as in the cast.

Warning: Spoilers ahead

Silver Lining Playbook: Love and Other Broken Things

In preparation for the Oscars on February 24th, we decided to do a post on each of the Best Picture Nominees, along with maybe a few other shows we liked. For the next two weeks we'll try to run a post about every other day on each of the nominees. Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Best Picture Roundup: Silver Linings Playbook | Argo | Les Mis | Life of Pi | Beasts of the Southern Wild | Lincoln | Django Unchained | Zero Dark Thirty | Amour

Silver Linings Playbook is a story about love and broken things, and how the two relate in sometimes unexpected ways. The movie begins as Pat, played with on-the-edge intensity by Bradley Cooper, checks out of a mental facility after a violent incident triggered by his wife's infidelity several months before. He returns to his parents' house to rebuild his life, his psyche, and his marriage.

Jennifer Lawrence is in it too. We'll get to her.

The Expert Textperts: An Exhaustively Ridiculous History

With a growing readership base, I realized that it was probably time for someone here at ExpertTextperts.com to fill our audience in on the back story of this delightful little blog.  Consider me, if you will, your helpful Bonobo monkey, peeling back the inedible rind of secrecy to reveal the succulent truth-fruit buried within.

Most people believe that Expert Textperts began in the fall of 2011; this is a mistake, as the earliest mention of Expert Textperts dates to around 1250 CE.  Found in a marginal note of a vellum manuscript of the Bible, "The Fratternal Brutherhode of the Experttes of the Sacrid Textes" is credited with placing a humorous caption below one of the slavishly-drawn illuminated images.

"Good gentlemen, I bid ye permit me access into yon building."
"Nay, Brother William, for we perceive that thou art flatulent, and surely it doth offend us too greatly."

The Best of the Bloggernacle

Those of you who follow the comings and goings of the bloggernacle are probably aware of the recent Wheaties awards given to the top vote-getters in various categories of Mormon blogging. Now, I'm the last person to criticize the validity of anonymous internet voting, which the recent re-election of President Ron Paul proves is unfailingly accurate, but I do have a few stray observations about the results.

Best Big Blog: Feminist Mormon Housewives.
So I guess there's, like, a thing going on about this. See, the 900 pound gorilla of the bloggernacle, By Common Consent, was initially declared winner, only to get Thomas Deweyed, which led to a fairly hilarious meme war between the two sites. I can't feign objectivity here, having written and co-written a couple of guest posts for BCC, where I also lurk and comment occasionally. Meanwhile I can barely get anyone to respond to my comments at FMH. I don't understand it: I always explain very clearly, logically, and confidently when and why their opinions are incorrect, which for some reason they react badly to. I guess it's a feminist thing.

I didn't say you're wrong because  you're female, just that we can't rule that out as a possibility and how come that's off-limits, ladies?